Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
