I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
