and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
