my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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