dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
