My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
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