I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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