WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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