question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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