you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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