UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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