I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Randomize
