you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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