Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
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