Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Just cropdusted the office
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Randomize
