Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Randomize
