Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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