No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
