He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
