I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
