$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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