The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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