The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
