Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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