I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
