I'm going to jail i love you
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
try to milk me bitch
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
