Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Please don't give away my fajitas
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
