Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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