his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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