i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
