Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
