Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
