week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
At least life still wants to fuck me.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
