So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
