peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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