I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Randomize
