just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
