Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
