Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
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