Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize