when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
soo... how was my night?
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
