maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
It's blow job season.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
