Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Randomize
