so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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