also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
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i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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