sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Randomize
