you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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