I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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