That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
