Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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