I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
