Will you blow on my dice?
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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