pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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