Betty ford says i'm here all night
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
