I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
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i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
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So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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