I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
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