someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
