I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
