I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
