I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize