worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
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