They should really pass out barf bags in church
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
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