She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
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