was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
