does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
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