I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
