are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mondays should just be called national damage control day
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
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