i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
