that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
areolas are like halos for boobs.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Randomize
