I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I love you. Go after that dick
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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