Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
