i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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