she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
