She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
