everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Apple has a Lot to Explain to iPhone X Customers
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
People Asked The Internet Questions About their Private Parts And The Results Are Hilarious
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.