And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
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I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
it's like iHOP with fire
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
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I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.