My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
