he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Can Purell be used as lube?
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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