Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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