You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
