just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
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That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
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Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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