i already hear my dad disowning me
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
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