Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Dick very happy bro
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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