Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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