I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Little spoons don't ask big questions
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
