I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
