So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
